Tuesday, October 29, 2013


People shouldn't make fun of people who have epilepsy. It's not right at all. They are just the same as everybody else but have a medical condition. Someone made fun of me junior year and they thought it was a disease but it's just a medical condition. I had my first seizure in 7th grade and I didn't even know what it was. Then I had another one in 8th grade. But in the summer of 2009, I got diagnosed with epilepsy.osed with epilepsy. Pretty soon I'll have epilepsy for 3 years. It's not fun being diagnosed with this but I still have to go through it though. People shouldn't judge people who have people who have epilepsy, it can really hurt their feelings. So just understand what they are going through and including me too. Thats why I'm doing my graduation pr Pretty soon I’ll have epilepsy for three years. It’s not fun being diagnosed with this, but I still have to go through it though. People shouldn’t judge people who have epilepsy. It can really hurt their feelings. So just understand what they are going through and including me too. That’s why I’m doing my graduation project on epilepsy.
Olivia, age 18

Monday, October 14, 2013

Bully Band-Aids

The emails are already coming in to my mailbox. School has been in session long enough for “relationship issues” to surface, and both parents and teachers are looking for help with bullying and relational aggression.

So often, the situation gets polarized into the victim, who receives support and sympathy AFTER the bullying has occurred. If the problem occurs on school time, the bully is often punished. Especially egregious situation might prompt a vigil, a t-shirt with a catchy slogan, a wrist band, or a school assembly program. These are what I call band aid approaches because they are one time programs that may increase awareness, but have little long term impact.

The National Association for School Psychologists offer an excellent resource for any adult who cares about children and their relationships. They describe important attributes to encourage in youth, and make the point that prevention is the most effective strategy.

That’s why relationship skills need to be started at a young age. The Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction describes the effectiveness of their developmentally based approach to bullying prevention, which offers programs to students from elementary school through middle school. While most of their content relates to aggression, even young children respond positively.

A focus on relationship skills is an important part of bullying prevention. The Polk School District in Michigan has developed an excellent resource for teaching relationship skills to students of all ages. Take a look and you’ll see that learning to communicate, making and keeping friends, and collaborating with others are abilities that not only reduce the likelihood of aggression but help children form relationships that help rather than hurt.

Not surprisingly, that’s what Club and Camp Ophelia (www.clubophelia.com) are all about, too!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Breaking Free Can Help You Love Your Life & Your Relationship With Others

Do you struggle to maintain your connections with female friends?
Does your TO-DO LIST have anything to do with what you really want to do?
You’re not alone! Most women struggle with confusion over their priorities and guidelines for living. That’s because we’re brought up with two different “Recipes For Living”:

1. One Recipe says to forget yourself and live for others.
2. The other Recipe says to be true to yourself and follow your dreams.

What do we do? We try to do BOTH, ending up with Mixed Recipes that lead to conflict, confusion and guilt. This blocks us from going after our goals with enthusiasm, confidence and joy!
Part of becoming a mature adult is evaluating your Childhood Recipe and making sure all your beliefs harmonize with reality and each other. This is the only way to BREAK FREE from the confusion that beckons others to bully you through dependency or guilt.

You can start breaking free by assessing your relationship with YOURSELF. Just click on “Quick Quiz” at www.YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com. Two books (www.Amazon.com) – I Never Knew I Had a Choice by Gerald Corey and my own This Is Your Life: No Apology Needed – provide powerful guides for arriving at a healthy Recipe For Living. You’ll be amazed at how your Revised Recipe releases you from unnecessary conflict, confusion and the control of others – so you can pursue your dreams and love living your life!

Submitted by,
Terry Jean Taylor
Terry Jean Taylor, Your Recipe For Living Coach, LLC
www.yourrecipeforlivingcoach.com, terry@yourrecipeforlivingcoach.com
"A healthy Recipe For Living is your most powerful asset...and your greatest charm."

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Tips for a drama-free school year

As summer comes to an end, it is normal for girls have mixed feelings about returning to school. While it is exciting to see friends again, some girls also worry about the relational aggression they encountered in previous years. Here are some tips for girls to avoid the “drama” and have successful friendships this school year!

1. Be nice and respectful to others! Sometimes it is as simple as the golden rule. If you are nice, you are more likely to have friends that are nice and respectful, too!

2. Spread the word! Demi Lovato and Secret™ have started a “Mean Stinks” campaign, to help girls who are affected by bullying. As a part of the campaign, girls everywhere are painting their pinky nails blue as a promise to have a ‘Drama-Free School Year’.


3. Talk to a trusted adult! If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or if you are unsure how to handle a friendship problem, talk to an adult you trust. Believe it or not, they will understand and they may have just the advice you need!

http://www.parentingscience.com/kids-make-friends.html (This is a link for your parents!)

4. Use your social media “smarts”! Do not post any opinions, gossip, or pictures on social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) that you would be embarrassed to have your parents, grandparents, or teachers see.


5. Choose your friends carefully! Take the time to make a list of qualities you are looking for in a friend (loyal, respectful, generous, etc.). If you find you are spending your time with girls who do not share the qualities you find most important, you may want look for a better fit!


Liza A. Kalloz, M.Ed.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Nurses in the Workplace: Nasty or Nice?

As an expert author who has written extensively about relational aggression (RA or nonphysical bullying), it wasn’t unusual for a workshop participant or audience member at one of my talks to comment on how much the concept applied to nurses. The expression “eat their young” was used more than once. Ouch.

Work on my two books about the topic (When Nurses Hurt Nurses, and Toxic Nursing) convince me that bad behaviors in the nursing workplace often are a result of circumstances rather than personalities. Nursing education doesn't include adequate training to Nurses aren’t educated to cope with the many demands of today’s complex work setting, and hospitals often overlook bullying because there are other more important problems to be confronted.

“RN RA” is bad for business, and has far reaching effects for both individuals and institutions. It’s no longer sufficient to accept the situation and watch our colleagues crash and burn. Be a nurse who makes a difference for your patients, your coworkers, and yourself! How can you take the first step?

My nursing education colleagues tell me there's too little time in the curriculum to educate nurses about bullying -- but when one professor used a story from my book to prompt a discussion, she told me: "We could have stayed there all night exchanging horror stories."  Although emotions can be tender, beginning a dialogue about past experiences can be the beginning of a healthy change.

Cheryl Dellasega, PhD

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

San Francisco California

One of the most admirable qualities an individual can have is the ability to be put in an unfortunate satiation and focus on the opportunity rather than the struggle. The Boys and Girls Club of San Francisco California, our fourth stop of the Mighty Fingers project, focuses on giving children from underprivileged homes and communities within the city the inspiration to make a better life for themselves.  When I asked these children my three questions all of their answers emphasized the determination they had to stay out of trouble and make a better future for themselves.  
            Any fun the girls had was at the club. At home their lives were “Work, school, stay safe.” Which usually involved staying inside their home. Roaming the streets was not a good idea because anyone who roamed the streets of their neighborhoods was “probably looking for trouble.”
            Many of the girls I talked to were inspired to stay out of trouble and make it through school with enough success to work their way out of their towns and move to a nicer place where crime is rare and people make an honest, safe living. When I asked the girls how they chose their friends the main answer was avoiding people who get in trouble
            “If I see a girl in school walking down the hallway and she is muggin’ looking at me bad I am gonna think she is mean and I am not gonna be friends with her,” said a girl from the Tenderloin in San Francisco, a portion of the city with very high crime rates.
            In the high crime areas of San Francisco that the girls were from, the friendship difficulties were more than just ‘who cheated on who.’ More serious disputes grew between once good friends, mainly because of gangs. In high school many girls and boys will join gangs, which encourage illicit activity and fights between friends.
            Though these unfortunate events happen and most probably always will, there are things being done to minimalize their occurrences, such as The Boys and Girls Club, which inspires children to be powerful by offering a kinship and a broadened education. All we need to do is show children the opportunity they have and so many of them will work harder and be exceptional kids as they strive to achieve success. 

Monday, July 15, 2013

Experience using the What’s Your RA (Relational Aggression) Quotient? quiz written by Cheryl Dellasega

I am a recent graduate from the Counselor Education program at The College at Brockport State Univ. of NY. For the purpose of my Master’s Thesis research my study involved assessing the impact of group counseling on adolescent females that have been identified as instigators of relational aggression.
The study was a pre-test/post-test design, of which a group of 5 eighth grade female middle school students were invited to attend 8 group counseling sessions that lasted approximately 40 minutes, during the regular school day. Seven participants were interviewed to participate, a total of five students agreed to be a part of my study. Throughout the course of the study, I incorporated lessons from the workbook, Salvaging Sisterhood, written by Julia V. Taylor, designed to increase awareness about relational aggression and develop healthy conflict resolution skills.
Participants were administered the What is Your RA Quotient? quiz during the first group session. The surveys were completed anonymously; students were identified with a small symbol on the quiz which was kept in a locked cabinet for the duration of the study. At the conclusion of my study, the means of the pre and post surveys were calculated and a comparison was conducted through a Paired t-test. Now, I do not consider myself a statistical expert, however, I did find a decrease in Aggressive Behaviors, decrease in Bystander Behaviors that Support Aggression, a decrease in Behaviors Checked off by a Victim and an increase in Power Behaviors! Although results of the study did conclude a decrease in aggressive behaviors, the results were not significant; I suspect this is because of the small sample of group members.
During the course of the study, my group went from 5 to 4 participants, with one student suspended for the remainder of the school year as a result of Cyber-bullying. This was disappointing, however, a teachable moment for the rest of the girls. The school district takes cyber harassment and relational aggression very seriously. In order to reach a wider group of students, it is proposed that several groups taking place throughout the academic year would accomplish this. What is Your RA? quiz was a useful tool; I was able to measure the proposed outcome and my group counseling session, and I was fortunate to have found this instrument!

Michelle Jones, MSEd